| What to do! |
[Jul. 28th, 2009|05:41 pm] |
How did I end up here?
I started out so well!
I just don't understand how did I end up here?!
What do you do when you're just not wanted or welcome anywhere?
I truly and honestly just feel like such a failure, but yet I'm exactly where I want to be in my "career."
I hate corporate America!
I love being a Pilates reformer instructor for a small business!
I will never be a millionare but I will be happy!
I just want to make enough to have my own place again.
It'll be 2 years in November since I've had my own place/life!
I'm a lame adult.
For about 7/8 months (because of my surgery) I lived with my boyfriend and his parents . . . I know pathetic it gets worse then I just stayed because it was convienent for both of us! Gag
I also lived with my brother for about a year on and off not completely free of charge but still Lame
And now I'm back at my bros unwanted and apparently now I'm not welcome at my bf's house and well I don't have a high paying job so I cant just move out on my own. What a pickle Damn that all came out way too fast Just taking it one day at a time for now I guess That was my rant thank you for reading or not Posted via LiveJournal.app. |
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| Yup |
[May. 26th, 2009|02:34 pm] |
If it not me physically being jacked up, it's my car! Things that are wrong with me:
-Still fighting off this lingering cough/ sickness
-about 35lbs over weight
-my left knee is still jacked up
-constant ringing/buzzing in my ear (it's called tittinus<-sp?)
-stretch marks that'll never go away :( Things that are wrong with my car:
-regular headlights don't work only my high beans
-passenger window doesn't work (it's propped closed with a PVC pipe)
-front wind sheild is cracked from the passenger side to the middle
-trunk keyhole is popped in
+just got new spark plugs and wires
-now my car won't start (according to the mechanic it's the starter)
--$170 total to fix my starter (don't have that $) But I just keep pushing on!
+++ yay positive! <3 nat Posted via LiveJournal.app. |
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| Cluster fuck! |
[May. 12th, 2009|04:13 pm] |
No matter how hard I try to keep it all together it always just falls apart! I just keep pushing harder and I just keep getting further and further behind! I just can't get ahead! I must be cursed :( someone out there please help me! Anyone .... Posted via LiveJournal.app. |
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| being sick/injured sucks |
[Feb. 2nd, 2009|01:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
It sucks real bad!
I cough so hard that I almost puke which is kinda gross.
I am also in pretty bad pain (my neck, lower back, and knee pain)
I truly hope and pray that I don't need to have knee surgery
I can feel myself getting fatter because I can't get any kind of work out in
AHHHHHHHHH
getting older truly does take a toll on your body
This year is def. off to a blur
I just want to get better in every way
If only I could help myself
Whatever
this is a self loathing entry
sorry
but not really
<3 nat |
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| Singing with Crystal "Oh Happy Day" |
[Jan. 25th, 2009|03:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
my day started at 1pm when I woke up
laid in bed till about 4:30pm
showered & got ready
6pm got to KB's house stayed till about 8:30pm
meet up with crystal & friends
came to Kento house to chill for a bit
went to 300
chilled at the bar had tokyo teas
played pool
came back home
crystal is spending the night
kento's showering
I'm journaling
lol!
it was a good day!!! |
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| Happy New Year Finally! |
[Jan. 10th, 2009|02:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  infuriated | ] |
This year has started out pretty good compared to last year lol!
I have plenty of resolutions
-take care of myself better
-try not to live in my sweat pants
-be a better girlfriend
-be a better friend to all my friends (actually calling, talking, and hanging out with people)
-be a better family member and Aunt for my nephew
-be a better employee
-Just be an all around better person period!
-To excel at dance
-Obviously lose weight (50 lbs)I will wear a bikini this year!!!
-be healthier
-the list goes on and on and on
On a different note:
So my bf a couple of weeks ago said something completely out of context to one of our friends
Now my boyfriend is the worst communicater in the world
So because of prior bad communication on my bf's part this guy already thinks I'm a bitch
Anyway so my bf tells him about something that happened months ago but he uses my name and another friends name to say it ("natalie and so&so think this about you") supposedly he says he told him he felt the same way but i don't believe that
So anyway this guy gets hella pissed or hurt about it
he talks to some of our mutual friends and they get pissed too
I on the other hand have no idea what has happened
SO I go to practice like normal but then
I just start feeling these cold shoulders from people that I thought were my friends
last night I found out about this conversation that had happened from the other person he had mentioned (so&so)
So I am the last to know!
I am out there lookin like a damn JACKASS talking and hugging these people like normal
So these people probably think I am the biggest bitch in the world!!!
and it's all my bf's fault
now I can't go back and correct what has been done I can only move forward
because I found out in confidence so I can't question or talk to these people about it
It had been going on for awhile now and I didn't understand why
I am so angry but what can I do
I super love the people that were hurt by what my bf said
I don't know how to fix it
I'm the type of person that needs to talk things through and makes sure we're all on the same page
This isn't the first time my bf has done something stupid like this
I forgave him once because I didn't really care about the other person he used my name with
But these people are my friends
they are the only people I have out here
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm so mad but there is nothing I can do
which is frustrating
which just drives me nuts
which leads me to here
I know the people that he hurt with my supposed words will never read this but I want them to know that I'm sorry for that and it was such a long time ago and I was not gossiping I just felt like we were losing good friends and I was a little bit jealous and I just wanted the family to stick together and I was mad that you weren't there to help but I love you and I understand where you were coming from!
Please know that and the next time someone says something to you about that please talk to me about it you should know me better!
Even though he is my boyfriend he does not speak for me!
Ugh!
Long entry but it was needed!
More on other stuff later!
<3 nat |
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| Christmas was Amazing!! |
[Dec. 29th, 2008|07:12 pm] |
The 17 hour drive to El Paso was actually very interesting
I was so excited that Kento came to celebrate Christmas with my Family for the first time
He loved it
I loved it
They loved him
We all just loved each other
There was a very intense game of pictionary (In which the Girls remain champs)
A new very funny game a charades in which the girls won as well
Bowling
RockBand 1
Rockband 2
Then Rockband 1 & 2
Lots and lots of beer
Grandma's Menudo & Sweet Tamales
My mom's delicous brisket
My FAMOUS Chile con queso
Movies with Raylene my Goddaughter
Great new gifts
And I spent a lot of time with family which was absolutely wonderful
The 17 hour drive back home was fairly easy and went by really fast.
I had Pho when I got home what more could I have asked for!
Thank you Lord for being born and making this time of year very special
Thanks to the universe for making this last week very special for me!
<3 nat |
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| People sometimes are full of shit! |
[Dec. 3rd, 2008|04:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Kento's Bed | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  listless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Death Cab for Cutie - The sound of settling | ] |
I go through my days sometimes on autopilot
I just listen
Don't talk much
Just listen
People have a lot of meaningless shit to say
Complaining is another huge thing that I hear all the time
I'm sad that laughter isn't
I can't believe some of the things that come out of peoples mouths sometimes
Oh well I shall return to autopilot for the rest of the day!
<3 nat |
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| An intresting night |
[Nov. 16th, 2008|03:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
Tonight was filled with lots of surprises and disappointments along with plenty of other interesting things!
We went to Prelude NorCal to watch and support some of our friends.
To be quite honest taught me many different things.
I'm amazed at how someone can really believe that they are something that they are not.
They just believe it so blindly it's kind of really just sad!
Anyway Kento is snoring next to me and I'm super tired so I might update some more tomorrow when i wake up!
<3 nat |
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| No Bueno |
[Nov. 14th, 2008|01:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
I've had a horrible headache all day long!
Light would hurt my eyes
Smell would intensify the trobbing
It felt like I could feel my brain moving in my skull
Today is the second day . . .
I think its a migrane :(
Just my luck
<3 nat |
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| Just missing my old ways! |
[Nov. 13th, 2008|05:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bed | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | lethargic | ] |
I haven't been here in awhile . . .
Just read through some old stuff and it brought back some good and some bad memories!
I think I want to make a New Years Resolution early lol . . .
I will try to update here as often as I get. (It's gonna be hard with my busy schedule but we'll see )
I do have some stuff I would like to express, but first I'd like to collect my thoughts on it then I'll spill my guts.
I do have a lot on my mind and heavy on my heart.
I will need some vent time!
<3 nat |
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| It's crazy how time flies! |
[Nov. 19th, 2007|10:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Makedamnsure - TBS | ] |
Today is our 1 yr anniversary!
It's really amazing how much two people can go through in 1 yr.
It makes me only curious to see what extremes we can go through together for the years to come. And survive!
I thought I was in love before, I thought I had had "real" relationships, I thought I had had good sex.
But really all of that was just a tease to what we have together.
No one can touch us or break us apart.
I was once a cheater and a player.
But this man has taught me what it is to be faithful, happy, and true.
MY boyfriend has integrity, morals, goals, determination, and spunk.
He keeps me on my toes, I couldn't have asked for more.
He is really the man I've been waiting for my whole life.
He is the man that I was trying to make my exs into.
He embodies all the things I love from the opposite sex.
He has made me a better person without even knowing.
The thing I love most about us is that it's completely 50/50!
It's not just all about me or him it's about us!
We agreed to that since day one and it has stayed that way.
Thank you God or whoever is up there for making our paths come together even if it's not forever.
I will never take this relationship for granted or in vain.
Baby I love you actually it's more than that! Words can't describe what you mean to me!
Happy 1 Year to us honey!
<3 nat |
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| You know |
[Nov. 16th, 2007|03:29 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My crappy futon bed :( | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  quixotic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Waltz version of the Sleeping Beauty Song. | ] |
I always come on here thinking . . . "oh today I'll post something"
PSSSSH!
I can barely hold my life together right now.
What in fuckin hell makes me think I can put all my thoughts together long enough to put it out onto the internet.
HA!
I say HA
Gosh even that took a lot outta me.
I've been spending a lot of time thinking and rethinking everything
And it's mainly because my boyfriends too busy.
Sad but true
When I'm lonely I'll just turn back to . . . well this.
<3 nat |
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| don't really know |
[Nov. 2nd, 2007|07:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
Tomorrow's my Birthday and even though I have a lot to be excited about I'm not really.
I want to be but I'm just not.
We'll see what happens
<3 nat |
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| Oh no |
[Jul. 6th, 2007|01:34 am] |
So I'm in a rut again!
Oh man what's new . . . .
Everything happens for a reason I can't wait to see what this reason is.
:(
<3 nat |
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| And it feels good |
[Jun. 21st, 2007|01:50 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
I'm in El Paso for 4 days and well like i said it feels darn good!
My boyfriends is adapting lol!
Literaly he's trying to!
It's cute.
You might see him he the only asian running around! ha ha!
It was so nice to see home again.
Yup it feels good!
Now it's time to party . . . the way it's supposed to be done
EPT style!
P.S.
I have so many places to go eat at before going back!
AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Toooo much delicious food sooooooo little time!
<3 nat |
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| April 17, 2007 |
[Apr. 22nd, 2007|04:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
Samuel Velez
You were a great man! I loved you like family no wait you were family there's no "like" in there at all.
Right now your family is together morning your death and I'm so far away . . . . . STUCK!
I would love to say goodbye and pay my respect to the man that was like an uncle to me but like I said I"m stuck.
You never missed one birthday party or family bbq or any holiday.
But I'm still here
STUCK!
Since I have no other way tro tell you this
I will say it here
SAM I love you like family!
I have some of the best childhood memories with you in them and I never pictured you not being in my future ones. Just with that in mind I will miss you . . . I love you tio! I hope all the angels in heaven are by your side and I hope you know that I love you. Please look down on me from time to time and keep me out of trouble. (just like you always did) And I will keep looking up to you just as I always did!
I love you TIO I love you and you will be deeply missed!
To Chris and Liz!
I love you too and I'm so sorry that this happened but please stay strong he would have wanted you to keep pushing on!
I wish I could be there with you by your side to hold your hands and your heads. I loved him too! My heart goes out to you!
I love you famly!
<3 nat |
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| At work |
[Mar. 19th, 2007|02:52 pm] |
|
Soooooo . . . . .
My schedule just changed cause I suck and I can never wake up early and be on time!
So my employers are working with my schedule!
I'm so glad I didn't get fired.
I was close though really close now I gotta watch my ass.
Which sucks UGH
I suck at being responsible I really suck
I really don't know hwy it's just so hard for me
Maybe I'm just lazy
Oh welll
I'm taking control of my life right now
AT LEAST TRYING
I'm watching what I eat
I'm being a lot more physically active
I'm getting organized
I'm practicing dancing
I'm improving . . . . . . Baby steps
But getting there!
I need the will power to keep it going and stay focused
AH I hope I can stay on track!
But on a lighter note
I Love My Boyfriend!
It's our anniversary! K&N<3
<3 nat |
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| .... |
[Mar. 17th, 2007|02:16 am] |
Sometimes it hurts to love you this much
. . . . The thing is I would never trade it for anything in the world
<3 nat |
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| What a pain in my ass . . . . LITERALY |
[Mar. 6th, 2007|07:18 pm] |
So for like 3 days my tailbone had been hurting
the 4th day i went to rub it to make it feel better and i felt a bump
that same day i stayed home cause it started to hurt constantly all the time
Will I was sitting/standing/laying down/or walking
i started to worry so i then asked my boyfriend to touch it to make sure i wasn't just imagining it.
He felt it tooo.
So that night i went to booftroop practice and i pretty much went full out everytime we ran it
BAD Idea!
The next day i went to work with this pain then to practice
I only marked my moves in class and then i just couldn't take it anymore
i felt paralized
i couldn't get up i started crying it hurt so bad i couldn't move
The next morning my boyfriend took me to see the chiropractor
he said i had nothing wrong with my tailbone
he suggested seeing a medical doctor because he believed it was a boil/cyst
CYST?? BOIL??
so i went on with my normal day i went to work it hurt
came home it hurt
it's late at night when i just couldn't take it again
Richard and sway took me to the er
I waited 5 1/2 hours to be seen
doctor comes in doesn't even examine it
asked me where it hurt felt around the area and then left the room
nurse came in 2 mins later with morphine and some other pain killer
i knocked out for 3 hours
when i awoke he told me it was tendonitis
he gave me 3 perscriptions: vicidine, motrin 600, flexeril
for rest of the weekend i stayed home and tried to sleep off
Didn't help it had gotten worse
i made an appointmnent with a medical doctor
She knew the instant that she saw it that it was a cyst
she said that the other doctor was stupid because there was no way that it wass close to it
I had a cyst and it was bad enough that it need to be removed that day
I got the appointment and got it removed
pretty painful but it feels so much better now
Stupid fucking ER
Things could have gone bad if i had just listened to the er doctor
so now i'm on meds a little bed ridden for a couple of days
I'll survive
Yay i've had my first surgery!
ok that was the meds talking
<3 nat |
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